Monday, January 25, 2016

Because I Can

What the single life buys me:

1.  I can sleep diagonally in my bed anytime

2.  I can go to bed whenever I want (actually had an ex who would expect us to go to bed at
the same time, gotta say, I never understood that one)

3.  I can sleep on the couch if I feel like it, not because I have to (Sleep is very important to me)

4.  I don't have to get up when you get up either

5.  I can stay "ugly" all day long, pjs and no makeup, bring it on

6.  And no shower because who's gonna smell me

7.  Shaving, forget it

8.  I don't have to compromise on what I want to eat

9.  Or where I want to eat

10.  Or when I want to eat (food is also very important to me)

11.  Having an "individual" bank account rocks; Because

12.  I don't have to hide spur of the moment buys

13.  I don't have to save to buy you corny, made-up holiday gifts

14.  I don't have to hide gifts so you won't find them

15.  I don't have to pretend to like the gifts that you didn't think too hard over buying me

16.  I don't have to help you with bills

17.  I will never again have that sick feeling where you wonder whether or you will quit your job and make our lives a struggle because I take care of my own sh**

18.  I don't have to share, anything, ever.  Not my car, my money, my food, my bed, my hot water

19.  I can use all of the hot water in the shower, or bath

20.  I can stay in the shower or the bath as long as I want to

21.  I can leave the door open when I go to the bathroom without regret

22.  Lord, I don't have to pretend to like your friends! hallelujiah

23.  I don't have to pretend your jokes are funny when they're clearly sexist or so completey close minded that it actually astonishes me

24.  I only have to pick out my own clothes

25.  I never have to hear "you're wearing that to my family's" ever again

26.  When I work overtime, because I'm like that, I don't have to be on the defensive as to my whereabouts

27.  I can get up and go wherever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want (or do nothing at all because that sounds way more like me)

28.  I can gain weight and not feel guilty

29.  I can donate my life insurance to a worthy cause instead of having to leave it to you

30.  I don't need legally signed permission to add a non-spouse as a beneficiary to any existing financial account I may have

31.  I can blow my whole tax return all by myself if I want

32.  I can binge on chick flicks for days at a time 

33.  I can leave my phone face up wherever I go

34.  I don't blow up my friends' facebook with sickly pictures of us pretending to be over the top happy

35.  I don't have to watch you be upset if I get sick again

36.  I can have a perfectly normal feminine meltdown without concern for your safety

37.  I can accept free drinks

38.  I don't get woken up, with anything sticking in my back

39.  My shampoo and conditioner last me twice as long!

40.  My dishes can sit until I need them for survival

41.  I can throw away my "lady-like" card any time I want to

42.  Silence, any place, any time I want it, it's mine

43.  There are no pety anniversaries to remember

44.  I don't have to pretend to like basketball

45.  I can root for the football team of my choosing!

46.  My underwear can come from walmart (if I shopped there but I don't)

47.  I don't have to worry about your medical history (one ex had his very first seizure on me driving down the interstate at 6 am, that was not fun)

48.  I won't be pressured by your family to  have beautiful little grandbabies for them

49.  We won't fight over who's family's house we're going to for the holidays

50.  There is no fighting!!!

And this is just the beginning.  Spoiler, I started with my favorite :)

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